


Waste the Night

by Clever_Girl_22



Category: Naruto
Genre: Drinking Games, Drunkenness, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Healthy HidaKaku, Implied Relationships, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Swearing, Zombie Combo at Their Best, akatsuki shenanigans, square up kishimoto they in LOVE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26790967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clever_Girl_22/pseuds/Clever_Girl_22
Summary: What The Akatsuki do in their free time is unquestionably unprofessional; still, Hidan thought he'd have died before Kakuzu caved in to their antics.But who says the serious half of the Zombie Combo can't have a little fun as well?
Relationships: Hidan/Kakuzu (Naruto)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 63





	Waste the Night

**Author's Note:**

> What's up my dudes I'm still on that Naruto one-shot/mini-fic journey before I publish lengthier material. I'm new to the fandom so I guess I'm trying to prove my abilities. Enjoy the fluff and stuff; I always felt these two have a soft side (even if it's buried very deep within them).
> 
> Also an apology: the past few posts have had a handful of grammatical/spelling errors; I will make time to re-edit for all your reading pleasure when I have the freetime. :)

"You sure about this, Dei?"

"Nonsense. This'll be fun!"

Pein and Konan were off on a mission, leaving the rest of The Akatsuki to mingle and spend the day at their leisure. Typically, they'd disperse; Kisame to a lake for a swim, Itachi to his room for a nap, Zetsu to wherever he spent time; Hidan and Deidara off to cause chaos, and Kakuzu and Sasori chasing after them to clean up their mess. They all always went to their own devices, but today an impressively large storm held them captive at the pub they all decided to eat dinner at. So they sat, growing more and more restless.

"I hate the rain." Sasori groaned, "Rots right through my prototypes."

"Well, you've been doing this for how many years now? It's not like you've had the time to adapt to it." Kakuzu retorted.

"Heh, says the one who still complains about the cold." Kisame replied.

Kakuzu glared at him across the table, his face unhooded and unamused. Kisame flashed him a grinned and continued to chew on his chopsticks.

"Dei, this might be a little wild, even for my taste."

Hidan and Deidara returned from the bathroom, both looking exceptionally guilty. Kakuzu and Sasori exchanged a look; they were up to something.

"Why do you smell like that?" Itachi asked innocently.

"Oh, poor, sweet Itachi," Hidan said, "We need to get you out more."

Kakuzu crossed his arms and leaned back on his chair, giving Hidan a threatening look. But before Hidan could say anything, Deidara pushed him aside and slammed a clay container on the table. They all instinctively froze. Nothing happened.

"It didn't explode?" Zetsu mused.

Deidara groaned and slammed another jar down, this one transparent and filled with greenery. The rest of The Akatsuki stared dumbly, blinking between the jars and Deidara's increasingly excitable expression.

"Hn, we're all trapped here for the night, so we might as well have fun!" He explained.

Kisame pulled the chopstick out of his mouth and gestured at the jars.

"So, they give this shit to any kids these days?" He asked, "What is this, cocaine?"

Deidara nodded gleefully.

"Yep, and some cannabis from Hidden Sand."

"And how did you get them?" 

" _I_ bought them, thank you very much!" Hidan crowed, proudly jabbing a thumb at his chest.

"Am I even surprised?" Kakuzu groaned.

"So who wants some?" Deidara asked excitedly.

He began unscrewing the jar with greenery and held it out out to Itachi first.

"Screw this; I'm getting drinks. Who wants what?" Sasori decided.

A chorus of replies came through and Sasori went in search of the bartender, while Itachi gingerly took a piece of vegetation. He immediately popped it into his mouth. Kisame's mouth dropped immediately.

"Hey, kiddo, I thought you were the smart youngin' around here." He said uneasily.

Deidara waved him away and wrapped an arm around the Uchiha.

"Nah, hn, he's born for this!" He protested.

"I'll be alright, Kisame." Itachi said.

Itachi already looked dazed, so much so that his eyes were starting to dilate.

"Jeez, Kisame," Hidan drawled, "He can afford to lighten up. And so can you, fishbait."

Both Kisame and Kakuzu snorted.

"Lighten up, sure; I'm fantastic at that, but you two psychopaths are going to get us kicked out." Kisame protested.

"And then we can continue the party at home!" Hidan declared.

Sasori returned with a handful of wine and whiskey bottles; an extra large vodka bottle solely for Hidan was also present. 

"Why are you encouraging this?" Kakauz sighed, burying his face in his hands, "We have a good relationship with this place; you're supposed to be mature like me."

"I'm tired and ready to get drunk." Sasori said simply.

Hidan grabbed a bottle from him and uncorked it zealously with his teeth.

"Okay fuckers, who's snorting first?" He demanded.

Before anyone could reply, Deidara formed a line and inhaled, sending clouds everywhere. The group erupted in protest.

"Easy, Dei, you're going to lose the last five brain cells you have doing it so fast!" Kisame cried.

"Hah, you think this is his first time!" Sasori jeered.

He titled his head back and down his wine glass, ignoring Kakuzu and Kisame desperate looks.

"Lightweight." Kisame grumbled.

"This is madness; I'm putting an end to this now." Kakuzu decided.

He stood and grabbed his cloak, moving to go and pay the front bartender. But before he could leave, Hidan grabbed his wrist, stopping the man in his tracks.

"C'mon, Kuzu, can't you just relax and have some fun for a change?" He asked.

The sincerity of his plea made Kakuzu reconsider his movements, but with a quick yank away, he turned and began to stalk over to the front end.

"We are guests here, Hidan," He growled, "Go and destroy someone else's small business."

"Relax, Hidan, hn, he's just too _old_ for fun!" Deidara practically screamed, crashing into Hidan.

"I am not old." Kakuzu said dismissively.

"But, bitch, you _are_!" Hidan agreed, "You really fucking are! Every time you walk it's like pop rockets or something, all those crunching noises!"

"My arthritis is not a fucking joke, Hidan." Kakuzu snarled.

"What? You sound like someone is constantly snapping sticks over their dick!"

"Why would you even know how that sounds?"

"Ease off, Hidan," Itachi wheezed, "He's just a stuck-up."

Hidan and Deidara howled with laughter; Kisame threw his hands in the air as Zetsu gasped. Sasori started to giggle into his bottle.

"Itachi, not you too!" Kisame groaned.

"Oi, give this man a bottle," Hidan cried, "We're about to experience a _re_ _al_ Sharingan awakening!"

Deidara, already starting to react to the cocaine, grabbed Itachi a bottle of whiskey and let one of his mouth rip the cork out. He then thrusted it jerkily into Itachi's hands. 

"You are all imbeciles and I am leaving; Zetsu, since you're the only one who seems to have _any_ sense left, you're in charge of getting these idiots back to base." Kakuzu declared, once again reaching for his cloak. The rest of the Akatsuki dispersed the remaining bottles and ignored him, except Hidan.

"Hey, Kakuzu, c'mon," He protested, "Just have some fun with us. We have no mission tomorrow, no Jinchuriki to capture, no bounties to collect; just have some fun with us tonight for once in your miserable life!"

Kakuzu, once again, shook off his grabby hands and kept moving, turning his back to his partner.

"It's a waste of time." He said curtly.

"Yeah, uh-huh, having fun with us is a waste of time. Thought that's what made us human, y'know." Hidan said sulkily.

He watched Kakuzu stop at the exit and pause, as if contemplating something. Maybe his words dug too deep.

"Fine," He said, "You want me to have fun with you idiots, I will. But I am not going to take care of you tomorrow morning when you're so shit-faced you can barely think."

Hidan grinned and hooked his arm around his partner's waist, leading them back to their room.

"Oh, great, Kuzu; this is going to be fucking wild with you here." He chattered.

"I'm sure it will be." He mumbled.

The Akatsuki's table broke into cheers as they returned, Hidan soaking in the overzealous praise. Deidara had already lined more cocaine and presented yet another jar of cannabis, this one subsequently larger than the last. 

"Dig in, hn!" He cried.

Itachi grabbed at another chunk of green as Kisame took a swing from his whiskey.

"Hey, kiddo, ease off. I know this calms your nerves but like you're going overboard." He said, nudging his partner.

Itachi mumbled a protest and forcefully took Kisame's bottle from him and took a sip, much to his dismay. 

After an hour it was clear who the lightweights were: Sasori laid his head down on the table in a crumpled mess, while Itachi leant against his partner, quietly sobbing into his shoulder something about Sasuke. Meanwhile, Hidan and Deidara were off the wall, shouting and challenging each other to drinking contests. This left Kakuzu, Kisame, and a eerily joyful Zetsu moderating the chaos.

"'Have fun with us' he said," Kakuzu griped, "'It'll make you human.' No, we just need you to clean up our mess."

Kisame gave him a sympathetic look.

"Hey, relax; Hidan's indestructible. Honestly, I'm more concerned for Deidara; dumbass is going to have to drag himself _and_ Sasori back home, on top of being so coked up I don't even think he's seeing straight colors anymore." He quipped.

Zetsu tittred while Kakuzu scowled, crossing his arms again. What a waste. He only had one shot so far, but it was enough; he had to keep an eye on Hidan. His drunken antics often left a trail of bodies.

"Kuzu, come on." Hidan whined.

He appeared sober enough, yet Kakuzu hesitated. He had a responsibility over the younger man and could not afford to let down his guard for some stupid drinking game.

"Fine. One round. Nothing more."

Hidan and Deidara cheered once again. 

"Okay, so rules are simple: every time our man Deidara says 'hn' or 'hm' or 'un' or whatever the fuck it is he does, we take a shot." 

Hidan produced a fresh set of shot glasses to Kisame, Kakuzu, and Deidara, saving one for himself.

"Hey, why am I playing?" Deidara asked.

Hidan let out a brash laugh.

"Because my best bet is you so coked up right now, you probably can't even control yourself to not say your weird, little noises." He replied.

"Hmpf! I can, hn."

Hidan laughed and took a shot.

"That's one."

Deidara crossed his arms as the other two took shots as well.

"Fine, hn, if that's how you want to play, what should I say?" He asked.

Hidan shrugged.

"Talk about why Sasori's art is so inferior to yours." Kisame suggested.

Kakuzu glared at him, while Hidan slapped the shark man's back.

"Fantastic idea, chumbucket; please Deidara, tell us why your work is so superior."

Kisame smiled devilishly while Kakuzu groaned once more.

"I love my Sasori no Danna, hn, but he has such a narrow mindset. I mean, can he truly name anything that is truly eternal, hn, or truly immortal?" Deidara started.

"Wow, already three right off the bat." Hidan whistled.

The trio again took their shots, while Deidara paced vigorously.

"Hn, it's a question of logic: art, like everything organic, is fleeting, hn. So why even attempt to argue against this? Is art natural? If it isn't, hn, then yes it is truly eternal. But what is eternal often lacks passion and life, hn; it's creation is half-hearted and tedious. I prefer a creation of vibrancy, hn, where you are so worked up and fucking _physicked_ out of your mind that your work explodes from your bare hands, hn! Because that's what art truly is, hn! An explosion! An explosion of love and ecstasy and unbridled passion, hn, and my man Sasori does not--cannot--accept that, hn. It is too impulsive of a ideology, he always tells me. As if passion is unsavory to him, hn."

The present members stared at Deidara for a minute.

"Fuck, dude, that was rough; how many was that? Like twenty? Shit, man." Hidan said.

"Nine, actually." Kakuzu said wearily.

Kisame knocked a few back.

"You okay, Dei?" He asked.

Deidara nodded and sniffled, grabbing at a shot and throwing it back repeatedly.

"Fine, hn, but it's true. "

Kisame let out a whistle, hit one more shot, and stood.

"Well, as fun as they could have been, I think we should get the fallen back to their beds," He joked tiredly, "Deidara, you're in charge of Sasori."

Deidara let out a high pitched whine and knocked another shot.

"Fine, hn, but we are coming back, or I'm going to blow up Samehada." He threatened.

Hidan, who was arguably the most somber still, let out another obnoxious laugh.

"Oi, make sure come back, boys. I think Kakuzu is actually getting buzzed!" He cackled.

Kakuzu grunted in response, now almost a dozen shot glasses placed in front of him.

"Good lord, Hidan, how'd we let that happen." Sasori giggled, barely awake.

Hidan smirked and took a swing from a second bottle of vodka.

"Beats me, mate. He's always so stern and shit, probably hasn't reached his full potential yet." He replied.

Kisame sighed, gingerly waking Itachi up as he stood. The younger member was incapacitated, only a fourth of his wine bottle gone and remnants of greenery dusting his shirt and hair. He protested weakly, but Kisame scooped him up and comfortably positioned him over his shoulder.

"Okay, Uchiha, you've had enough. We'll be going home...and no genjutsu on the way back this time; almost got us killed by a runaway cart last time...hush, kiddo, we don't want you puking up what little you already ate."

"Kisame...I want to have fun..." He whimpered.

Kisame chuckled and repositioned him.

"You've had enough fun; Sasori's going back too, don't worry." He replied.

" _Hic!_ Make me, fish-sticks." Sasori hissed into the table.

Kisame rolled his eyes and dragged a flailing Deidara behind him.

"Oh, yeah, sure, make fun of the shark guy, as if I'm the only one who has any sense right now." He complained, nudging Deidara towards the puppet-man.

"Bitch, I could skin you right now and turn you into a sharkskin purse, just so I can throw my tools in while I reanimate the Hell out of your fishy corpse," Sasori threatened, "That's how sensible I am."

"What an ideal level of awareness. I envy you, truly."

"Don't try me, eh?"

Deidara grabbed Sasori and dragged him to his feet, throwing an arm over his shoulder.

"Come, no Danna, hn, let me tuck you in." He said sweetly.

Sasori rolled his eyes but did not protest, allowing his partner to trail him out the door.

"We'll be back!" Deidara called, letting the door shut behind him.

Hidan leant back and kicked his feet on the table, watching his partner stare off in the distance. Typically, Kakuzu refused to drink; one shot and he was done for the night, using the excuse of accounting in the morning or whatnot. But tonight, Hidan watched him slowly finish one bottle, then another. It was fascinating. Zetsu sat in a corner seat, also quietly observing.

"Do you think he's alright?" He asked.

Hidan shrugged.

"I dunno, man. Kakuzu doesn't drink. 'Too mature for that', he always says." Hidan replied.

"You know I'm _right_ here, right?" Kakuzu mumbled.

Hidan took a sip at his third bottle of vodka, unbothered but perplexed.

"Maybe he's finally cracked." Zetsu offered.

"Bullshit," Hidan protested, gesturing with a finger, "This guy's seen me do all sorts of stupid shit. My ability to drink without liver failure is the least surprising thing he's seen."

"I'm fucking fine." Kakuzu growled, but Hidan could hear a slight slur creeping into his voice.

"Sure you are." Zetsu said.

The plant-man had spent the entire night sipping daintily at a single glass of some type of organic, environmentally-sustainable drink that Hidan didn't care to recognize. It was easy for him to spit sober, sarcastic comments, with all that prissy shit he kept drinking. He poured a shot from Kakuzu's bottle and went to knock it back, earning him an uncharacteristic whine from his partner.

"Don't touch my stuff." He spat.

"You're drunk, aren't you?"

"Not I'm fucking not."

"Uh, yeah, you fucking are."

"I am _not!_ "

Hidan raised an eyebrow and smirked.

So, Kakuzu got cranky when drunk; what else?

"Listen, old man, you've had enough for the night. Might as well get you your sleeping pills and tuck you in tight so you don't wet your rubber sheets or some shit while you're still conscious." He sneered.

Zetsu hummed in amusement and crossed his legs. Hidan now had an audience to entertain. Kakuzu's made an unmotivated grab at the glass, but Hidan took it out of his reach with ease.

"Now, now, Kuzu, you told me you don't drink; that's _your_ rule, remember?" Hidan jeered.

"I'm a grown-ass adult, more so than you; I can drink whenever the fucking Hell I want." Kakuzu spat.

"Oh, so we're going to start spewing needless profanities now, hm?"

"As if you're the fucker to talk."

" _Woah_ , Kakuzu! I might have to take you home and put you to bed if you can't control yourself and that dirty mouth of yours!" 

"Heh, I'd like to see you try."

Kakuzu lazily sent out a thread towards Hidan, allowing it to trace his partner's face.

"Last time I checked, _I'm_ the one who always put _you_ to bed." He said, his voice dropping to a whole, new octave.

Hidan wove his fingers in between the tentacle and stared back at Kakuzu, his eyes lazily slitted.

"Now, now, I thought we agreed to talk about our...private life...with no _observers_." Hidan drawled.

Like he cared; Kakuzu always preached privacy as a way of keeping them professional. Hidan always viewed it as secrecy; Deidara and Sasori never hid their fraternizing and it made Hidan rather jealous. Now, he found it rather charming, this breach of contract. Kakuzu was finally loosening up, and he was going to take as much advantage of it as possible.

He pulled at the thread, causing Kakuzu to wince a bit.

"I bet you can't finish that." Hidan challenged, nodding at the last full bottle of whiskey.

Kakuzu stared back at him, his eyes slightly clouded over. Zetsu groaned. 

"Damn straight I can, brat."

Hidan laughed again in response.

"Well, then prove yourself, old man! I'm going to get to six bottle by the end of the night so you better start now!"

"Hidan, you're such an instigator." Zetsu sighed.

They spent the next hour going through even more bottles, Hidan occasionally pawing some leftover cannabis from Deidara's pot. His body was truly indestructible; drugs, alcohol, toxins--anything and everything proved ineffective to his health. He prided himself in this fact, proving that he truly was immortal. Eventually, Zetsu asked for the greenery jar, Hidan holding it out across the table as Kakuzu nursed what Hidan assumed was his fourth bottle.

"Want some?" Hidan asked, holding the nearly empty cocaine jar to the others.

Deidara had literally inhaled the majority of it, with Hidan and--surprisingly--Kisame taking a few lines, so not much was left. Zetsu took a small snort while Kakuzu shook his head furiously, his hair now undone from the tight braid he had in earlier. Hidan stared lustfully; he rather liked when Kakuzu had his hair down; it look natural and primal, with a dash of some sort of darkened sex appeal that Hidan couldn't quite describe at the moment.

After another quarter hour, Kakuzu had progressed from one strand to a swarm of them gently caressing Hidan's face and hands across the table, mumbling under his breath what Hidan could only assume were obscenities. The whole situation was enamoring to Hidan, but it concerned him. He wasn't prepared to deal with this.

"Hidan."

Hidan smirked and ignored him.

"Hidan."

"What's that? Sorry my ears aren't quite what they used to be, me being so old like you." 

" _Hidan_."

"What."

"Why are you so attractive?"

Hidan leaned across the table, his face looming over Kakuzu's.

"I am?" He leered.

Kakuzu scrunched his eyes up and let some threads retract, propping himself up by the elbows in order to tower over Hidan.

"Wanna see something cool?" He said.

"Sure, why not?" Hidan replied, cocking an eyebrow.

So they had moved past the stage of irritability and where progressing towards silliness. Hidan had to admit, drunk Kakuzu was endearingly entertaining.

"Dude," Kakuzu growled.

Hidan sputtered out a laugh.

"Since when do you say 'dude', you cree, old miser?" He asked evenly.

"Wanna see something cool?"

"...yeah, sure."

Slowly, Kakuzu allowed the largest threads--the ones in his cheeks--to retracted. He then slowly opened his mouth past natural capabilities, revealing the entire inside of his mouth. Hidan couldn't decide if his was going to piss himself from fear or laughter.

"Oh, _fuck_ , Kakuzu, you look like a goddamn snake!" He howled, "I mean, what the _fuck_!"

Kakuzu closed his mouth with a loud snap.

"How'd you feel if I sucked you off like that?" He asked, a new air of brashness in his tone.

"Hah, I'd probably shit myself, I'd be so scared!" Hidan replied.

"But you'd like it, right?"

"I dunno...that's some kinky shit."

"But we like that, right?"

"Well, yeah, of course we do!"

The two members burst into laughter, Kakuzu's quiet rumbling swelling to a raucous hollow. Hidan wiped tears from his eyes as he clutched at his stomach; Kakuzu's laugh was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

"Come closer, Hidan." Kakuzu demanded, leaning forward again.

Hidan titled his chair back.

"I don't think so." He smirked.

"Come here, _now_." 

Kakuzu grabbed at Hidan's free hand and yanked him closer, causing Hidan to almost pitch out of his chair. From there, Kakuzu moved even closer across the table, once again the pair inches away from each other.

"Hey," He said in a low voice, deeper and thicker than usual.

Hidan unconsciously shivered and smiled. That voice just _did_ things for him sometimes.

" 'Hey' yourself, heathen. What's all this? You're never touchy, hm?"

Kakuzu stared back at him, a bemused expression gracing his face. Hidan poked his tongue out, which Kakuzu copied, a fistful of threads crawling from his mouth. Hidan then lazily bared his teeth, which Kakuzu also copied, although at a slower pace. 

"Why are you so attractive?" Kakuzu repeated.

"I dunno, I mean I am pretty fucking sexy, but let me asked you this: why do you think I'm so attractive?" Hidan said toyingly.

Kakuzu's expression transformed from the dopey smile he had to a serious yet thoughtful expression.

"I think I might be attracted to morons." He finally said.

Hidan raised his eyebrow again, his mouth forming into a open smile.

"Is that so? Tell me more about this; are you saying your morosexual?" He asked.

"...yes. I think so. I am deeply infatuated with dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively."

"And I guess I'm flattered?"

"You should be."

And how did you come to terms with this discovery, hm?" Hidan asked, taking another swing from his bottle.

Kakuzu's forehead scrunched up, as if offended by the question. 

"You asked me once if stabbing yourself and not feeling pain makes you strong or weak." He mused.

"Well, duh, strong, obviously." 

"And then I immediately thought about how badly I want to ravage your idiotic self."

Hidan was besides himself; Kakuzu never tired to be humorous with him and _never_ was flirtatious. Hidan poured him and his partner another drink; how could he let such a good night end?

"We should fuck tonight." Kakuzu said bluntly.

Hidan snorted into his glass.

"And who do you think is going to do all the work? Not your drunken ass, that's for sure." He spat.

Kakuzu ran his hand through his long hair (rather seductively, Hidan admitted) and smirk back at him.

"I always do the work, brat." He leered.

"Hah, not last time. I pounded you so hard I thought your old-ass back was going to give out."

"As if ; you have no proof." 

"Those sweet, little bruises on your neck say otherwise."

The night continued and Hidan felt himself slip into a comfortable lull. Him and Kakuzu had spent a greater portion of the evening laughing at each other, calling each other seductive names and implementing some _very_ threatening innuendos; it was perfect. Maybe a little too perfect. After some time, Hidan finally hit the limit's of Kakuzu's sensibility.

Hidan," He asked tentatively, "Do you think I am weird?"

Hidan titled his head.

"Yeah, but you're hot so it's whatever." He replied, not giving the comment much thought.

His answer didn't seem to sit well with Kakuzu.

"So I am strange to you?"

"Well, yeah, I mean look at you: who goes around every day looking like a hundred year-old voodoo doll? But, like I don't care. You're still my partner." Hidan explained.

In a moment, Hidan could sense a change in Kakuzu's demeanor; it wasn't anger or frustration. Instead, it almost appeared to be...sadness.

"So then I am a monster." 

Hidan sat up in his chair and immediately clutched at his partner's hands.

"Hell yeah you are! The scariest, biggest, baddest motherfucker I've ever meant!" He cried, "That's nothing to be ashamed of."

He meant it in earnest, but Kakuzu didn't looked convinced. Instead, his gaze dropped to their entwined hands, slowly trailing up to his wrists. Hidan's heart pinged at the disappointed look in his eyes. 

"I wasn't always a monster, you know." He said quietly.

Hidan shifted uncomfortably in his chair, but kept their hands clasped. Kakuzu never opened up to him about his past. It was a whole area of conversation they had never breached and the current circumstances did not provide for clear headedness. He didn't know if he was exactly the best person to be dealing with this sort of emotional vulnerability.

"Hey, Kakuzu, cheer up! We're all a bunch of monsters here; I mean, if you think about it, you're like the least fucked up out of the bunch of us," Hidan protested, "Look at us: we have a puppet, a humanoid shark, a humanoid plant, a phyco kid with hand-mouths, whatever the fuck Pein is; you're not even the only zombie!"

Hidan flashed an exceptionally pleasant smile at his partner, hoping it might reinstate his good spirits. He really wasn't the person to deal with these types of things; his response was always to make some inappropriate joke or crude gesture in hopes of a cheap laugh. Thank Jashin Kakuzu hadn't started crying...

"But, look at me, Hidan; I am _hideous_."

Kakuzu then let out a sudden sob, causing Hidan to flinch. He hated crying, the sound of it filling him with unease and panic. He had to stop him.

"Hey, hey, _hey_ , Kakuzu, it's alright! Let's just get you back to base and we can sleep this off. You'll be better in the morning. I'll grab Zetsu." He assured.

Zetsu was passed out in his seat, a thin line of drool clinging to the corner of his mouth. Hidan stretched a leg out and tried to kick at the chair. The plant-man flinched and sat straight up, a puzzled look in his eyes.

"Zetsu, help me get him back to base." Hidan demanded curtly.

Kakuzu had buried his head into his arms, his hair sprawled along his back and arms, wrapping his forehead in a curtain of black. Hidan stared down at him, exasperated.

"Uh, Zetsu, what do we do?" He asked.

Zetsu scrambled up and out of his chair, but made no move to help him. Instead he put his cloak on and began to leave.

"It is not a question of _we_ , but of _you_ ; what do you think you should do?" He said placidly.

A wave of panic washed over Hidan as he scrambled after him.

"Wait a sec, you aloe vera dipshit, he's too heavy!" He said angrily, "I can't carry him back!"

"Figure it out." Zetsu replied.

"Hey, don't be a bitch right now, of all times; I can't do this on my own."

Zetsu twisted around and gave him a tired glare.

"Kakuzu has been taking care of you for as long as he's known you," He said, "If you care about him as much as you say, be there for him. He's at ease when he's with you and solely you."

Hidan sputtered out a few curses.

"At ease? Uh, have you seen the bastard? The guy wants to tear my head off everytime I even open my mouth!" He objected.

"And yet he's always there to sew it back on."

Hidan crossed his arms as Zetsu continued out into the night.

"Good luck; Konan and Pein will be back by noon tomorrow, so best be back before then." He said flippantly.

With that, the plant man dissipated in the ground, leaving Hidan alone outside.

"Fuck...Jashin...what do I do?"

Hidan turned and looked at the entrance of the pub, picturing Kakuzu inside. That wasn't their relationship; they didn't open up to each other. They battled together, argued together, fucked together--that was how they showed they cared. Through aggressive banter and jealous loyalty. Sure, a drunk Kakuzu was rather amusing, but Hidan wasn't ready to deal with this. He was the last person anyone should turn to for emotional support, let alone his partner. It was a mess; the whole evening was, one way or another.

The voice inside Hidan was telling him to go home, but he knew he couldn't Kakuzu wouldn't have left him. Hidan raked his hands across his face exasperatedly and tore at his hair.

"Ugh, fine! Fine, fine, _fine_! I will be the emotional support crutch! I can do this therapist shit, easy peasy!" He declared.

He stomped back in, slamming the pub door behind him. Kakuzu was still in his original seat, his head now propped up on his hands. He was staring off into space, his eyes looking even more bloodshot than usual. Hidan slid into the seat next to him.

"Hey, big guy, you alright?" He asked tentatively.

Kakuzu sniffed and shifted his gaze to the left, away from him.

"I'm fine." He replied.

Hidan wasn't convinced.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"It'll take too long. We need to go back to base."

"Psh, please, we got plenty of time. I'm right here."

Kakuzu turned to Hidan, his hair falling in every direction. Carefully, Hidan reached over and brushed a tear out of his eyes. This was so new to both of them.

"Please, tell me. I promise to shut up and listen for a change." Hidan urged.

Kakuzu turned his chair so he was facing him, Hidan's legs in between his. Hidan rested his other hand on Kakuzu's knee.

"I used to be more than this," Kakuzu began, "I used to be more than some freak of nature. I had family and friends and a village I loved. And they loved me. But...but they betrayed me. Do you know how that feels, Hidan? To have your trust ripped from you?"

HIdan gave him a sympathetic look.

"Of course; being an occultist doesn't exactly breed good will among others." He said.

Kakuzu hiccupped a laugh.

"So you admit your god is part of an extremist illusion?" He said bitterly.

Hidan reached and ran his hand through his partner's hair, trailing by his jawline. Despite the crude stitching, Kakuzu's skin was always soft. It was warm like mahogany or firewood or sunbathed rock. He was strong like rock in Hidan's eyes.

"So you feel betrayed? What else is bothering, my man?" Hidan said, gently ignoring Kakuzu's comment.

Kakuzu cautiously leaned into Hidan's touch, his eyes still beaded with tears.

"They made me this. Look at me; I am some sort of stitched up freak made out of bitterness. I used to be normal, I used to be fun. I was handsome and charming...now I am irritable and cantankerous. " He lamented.

"Aw, Kuzu, I'll be honest with you, you're wrong about some things." Hidan replied.

Kakuzu looked to meet his gaze once more and Hidan felt his immortal heart skip around in his chest.

"Hidan, you are but a child in comparison. I have been through a hellish life that you couldn't possibly understand." Kakuzu replied.

Hidan smiled and propped his elbow onto his knee, resting in chin in his hand.

"You really think so?" He mused, "I guess you're right; I am a bratty kid compared to you. But I can be empathetic, I think."

In truth, he really wasn't Hidan was brash, loud, abrasive, unapologetic; he was everything but empathetic. He, in reality, wasd a total asshole. But Kakuzu was also an asshole, his asshole. And he needed to take care of him. Right now, Kakuzu didn't need his humor or fiery temper; he needed his attention and support, nothing more, nothing less. 

"How so?"

"Well, for one thing I know what it's like to be betrayed; my village turned me out like old shit. And you're not ugly, Kakuzu, you're just different. And there's nothing wrong with that. Sure, you look like a monster straight from a goddamn night terror, but I could give a fuck. You're _my_ monster, and I think you look pretty fucking handsome."

Kakuzu didn't say anything, but instead dipped forward and pressed his forehead against Hidan's chest. Hidan reached, one hand still craddlong the other man's face, and began to stroke his hair.

"My face used to be dashing and clean." Kakuzu lammented.

"And now it is rugged and captivating." Hidan countered.

"And my body sleek and powerful."

"And now it is jacked as fuck and _unstoppable_."

"My hair used to be beautiful, my mother would brush it every morning."

"So now you can let me brush it, if you want."

"And my eyes didn't look like demon eyes. They were green and normal."

"Well now they look like blazing emeralds that never falter. And they never stop watching over me."

This time, Kakuzu reached his hand towards Hidan's face to trace his bones.

"I used to court a lot of women, too." He remarked.

Hidan gave him an oily smile.

"Well, now you got an immortal, raging pansexual who's just _dying_ to rock your world tonight." He said smoothly.

Kakuzu grinned lazily and in one swift motion grabbed Hidan and propped him on his lap.

"Dying?" He asked.

"Oh, sure as Hell! Sell my soul to Jashin all over again just to tap that ass!" Hidan crowed.

Kakuzu wrapped his muscular arms around him and buried his face him the immortal's chest.

"I thought I tap _your_ ass, brat."

"Don't be such a bitch; you bottom like a champ, Kakuzu, a real champ."

"And yet I'm the one who bosses you around."

Hidan grinned and held Kakuzu's head, feeling stray threads snake around him in a tight embrace. Now, Kakuzu was honry. Perfect. He pressed his nose against Kakuzu's head and sniffed his hair. He smelled like oak and charcoal.

"Heh, I'll tell you what; if we can get to base, I'll let you boss me around for the rest of the night, huh? How's that, Ka-ku-zu?" Hidan offered.

Kakuzu responded with a guttural groan and an increase in grip around him.

"You're such a slut when you're drunk, huh?" Hidan mused.

"You have no right to talk when you whore me around perfectly sober." Kakuzu growled in response.

Hidan let another laugh bubble out from his throat. He'd give anything to have this every night. Yes, Kakuzu always cared for him, but this was a step further; this was genuine adoration, something he knew neither of them ever really felt. It was too good to be true.

Kakuzu gently bumped his head against Hidan's out of affection.

"You want to fuck, don't you?" Hidan asked.

"Yes."

"Well, we need to get home, first. Then you can tear my clothes off wherever you please."

Hidan shimmed off Kakuzu and slid feet-first to the ground, throwing his cloak back on and grabbing Kakuzu's hands as if to pull him to his feet. The man didn't budge.

"Hidan, I am dizzy." He complained.

Hidan groaned and tried to puller again, only harder. Still no movement.

"I'm serious; I might throw up."

"Jeez, Kuzu, have you ever drank before? Are you a lightweight like Sasori or something? Really, this is embarrassing--"

Kakuzu doubled over and out of the chair, vomiting on the floorboards. Hidan was so shocked he only had a moment's notice to dodge the spewage. Kakuzu then crumpled further down, resting on his knees and breaking out into more choked sobbing. Hidan sighed.

"Come on, my man, let's get you back in bed." Hidan decided.

He bent over to pick his subconscious partner up, shouldering him as best as he could. 

"Fuck, I was wrong about the lightweight part..." He mumbled.

Together, they trekked back outside. It had miraculously stopped raining, making the journey back home a little more bearable, save for the massive about of deadweight Hidan was now dragging with him. The whole while, Kakuzu drifted in and out of consciousness as Hidan let loose a steady stream of complaints.

"Goddammit, Kakuzu, why the fuck are you heavy? Is it the threads? Are they like titanium or some shit? Fuck, man, I know you're a beefcake but this is ridiculous..."

Eventually, Hidan made it back to the tower, the sun slowly creeping over The Watcher's head. With a loud, grunt, Hidan forced the main entrance open and stumbled in. The building was dark, save for a few leftover candles. Kisame must have left them out for them. Speaking of which...

"Wait, yo, where the fuck did Kisame and Deidara go?" Hidan spat.

By now, Kakuzu had slid off his shoulder and Hidan was dragging his partner's body a ross the floor, inching closer to their room at a painful pace. Hidan made sure to peek into the others' rooms and wasn't surprised; Itachi laid in bed, with Kisame passed out in a chair near the nightstand. In Sasori's room, him and Deidara didn't even make it to the bed, and were cuddled up on the floor, Deidara's hands drooling all over the carpet. Pein and Konan's rooms were--thankfully--empty, and Zetsu had closed the door his own personal greenery. Eventually, they arrived at their room.

"Alright, buddy, end of the line. Let's get you undressed and in bed." Hidan cooed, pulling Kakuzu onto the bed with difficulty.

Kakuzu groaned something about a headache, but complied, allowing his partner to strip him of his cloak and boots. Hidan then pulled his tank top off and threw his own shirt off as well, nuzzling against Kakuzu under the covers.

"You still think you can boss me around right now?" Hidan jeered.

Kakuzu mumbled something but Hidan didn't care; he pressed his chest against Kakuzu's maskless back (the Beasts were let loose to hunt for the night) and wrapped his arms around him. He could hear his partner's breathing slow and thrum through his body. The vibrations were simply enamoring to Hidan.

"Hidan,"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"Well, of course, heathen."

Hidan twisted some fingers into his partner's hair, stroking his scalp reassuringly. 

"I care about you."

"And so do I, but, like, I assume you already knew that, given I stayed and cleaned up your sorry ass tonight."

"Fair enough."

As they laid, Hidan pulled Kakuzu closer and closed his eyes. He was a monster; it was true. But he was Hidan's monster. And what could be better than that?

***************************************

Morning came with a knock to the door; Konan stood at the doorway of Hidan and Kakuzu's room. She had been informed by a very guilty Zetsu of the previous night's affairs, and had immediately checked in on all her boys. So far, no one (thankfully) seemed to be too hungover, but she hadn't checked in on the last duo yet. 

"I'm coming in." She announced. 

Quietly, Konan swung the door open and was met with a fascinating sight: Hidan and Kakuzu were fast asleep, the smaller immortal spooning the larger one, their fingers intertwined. Konan smiled; she'd bring them some painkillers and food later on. For now, she'd let them sleep.

They were finally connecting, and who was she to disrupt that?

**Author's Note:**

> God, just, ugh, too cute, too cute (for a monster and a god). This is my favorite ship currently and I always have fun writing their dialogue. I truly believe, deep in my heart, they have a potentially healthy relationship that I plan to delve into in the future. Also, I'm always a fan of Redeemable Akatsuki storylines.
> 
> Comments and constructive criticism welcomed!
> 
> P.S~ If you really want to vibe with the mood of this fic, I played 5SOS' "Waste the Night" ther entire time writing it. Their guitar riffs just make you feel things, honestly.


End file.
